His Philosophies
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Thursday, June 11, 2009
I miss you toooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, we'll talk Friday! :D xo
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
So I am wondering how many times this posting replicates across the Internet. I am writing this on LiveJournal.com but have noticed that this posts elsewhere on the net and wonder how LiveJournal.com lets this happen. Every time I post a new post, I get some random messsage from some random person saying some random thing to advertise some random thing/product or whatever.
Anyway, that is my two cents of course. Right now Im just kicking it in a small pizza place, enjoying a slice of mushroom pizza w/ garlic bread and a beverage. I guess I don't want to go home because I don't want to have to deal with my lady friend and her "emotions." It's not that I despise her or anything like that, but rather, I just can't be empathic towards her feelings. I can't even relate to that feeling, does that make me cold hearted?
I'm all for listening to people but if the people who want/need you to listen... would it not make sense that they, to an extent offer you the same? I grow weary of being "asked" and not in a nice way to do different things too. I am a generally generous person but please just be straight up with me. It is what I offer people all the time, maybe one of the things that make me cruel and mean but it is also the thing that so many people demand from people but never give it.
I had an amazing time talking with the Doll Face, for two specific reasons, one she is the Doll Face and is a Doll Face. Two, talking with the Doll Face is always calming, it is always something I look forward to, and someone I desire to talk with about anything and everything. Having gone a little bit wack the other night, it was awesome having her. It was also nice to "talk" with Mister Mister (yea these are secret code names). I wish I could have talked with Mister Mister but from what I understand Mister Mister is basically gone and is now Majesty Majesty... LoL hahahha.
So I did something a bit strange, I offered Emily all resources available to me to provide her an "escape" (for a lack of better terms). It would be nice to actually get some more one-on-one time with her. But yea, Emily has been this gal who is always just far enough away to not get close, for at least three years now. But you know, you can force anything, you just have to sort of go with it and survive.
So tonight I want to play the piano, I think it would be fun to do but I dont want to go back to the house. So, where do you find a piano which can be randomly played in Longmont, CO? This is a tough one, I could go into a church (Christian or Mormon) but you know how those places make me feel (as an only enlightened child in a classroom full of GWs). So... what to do? I guess I might just have to go the night without it, but I must have it!
So guess what, talking about Mormons. I followed the missionaries around for like an hour the other day... hahaha and I think they were getting "afraid" or something so I decided, the only thing I can do now... while at the red light... was unfurl a huge Star of David! It was pretty funny and I guess you had to be there, but I am sure eventually I will buy them lunch. I mean, you can only remind someone they are wrong so many times before you start feeling sorry for them hahahaha.
Check this out, I get into the Rocky Mountain National Park for free... how cool is that? ((LoL!!! I just tried to put my feet across to the other bench at this table.. and I'm not "tall enough" lol hahaha)) Talking about cool, check it, I'm going to hang out with Super D!!!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!! She rocks, like a rioter throwing rocks!!!
So this is randomness at work, the thing that makes me so awesome I guess. Yesterday, I bashed my leg, it hurt so hard I almost passed out... that was nuts. BUT I did not feel the pain, I just wanted to lay down and go to sleep... so I had to be strong.. and I slapped myself in the head. It did the trick, I didn't passout, instead I sort of just "took it like a man."
So my BP has come down almost ten points in the past few weeks, pretty cool I say! Mmmm... I NEED A Piano! I need a piano right now more than I need a woman LoL .. umm oppps. So one of the Laura's went nuts a week or so ago, why do people do that. You want to talk with them but they start to think you want more than just that, I mean really... it was like a whole week or two into knowing this person and they started to get antsy because I hadn't fallen inlove with them.... not what Im really looking for i guess (maybe w/ Emms because she has that awesome eye for photography and other things *wink*). But really, my hell, I had this girl I talked with for over a year and it was a good relationship, we had our disagreements, we had our agreements, than she ran off and got married on me... well not ON me, but she left me all alone and there is this sudden vacuum that needs to be filled but I dont know if it will be filled soon! Hopefully, but gosh! haah why did she abandon me!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so use to the regiment of being able to just talk with her, but ... booooo she's gone.
She was awesome because I didn't have to worry about the whole relationship thing, it seems that a lot of the gals I talk with are missing a few things in life and try to convince me I should fill that void in their lives. I suppose, it is only best if that void is somewhat the same void, otherwise it becomes a relationship of expectation built on the notion that eventually one will become enslaved by the other. I know that is what was best with this last gal who eventually abandoned me, lol, but not a surprise at all.
Well, booooo... I think I want something to drink. What to drink... hrm, there is a beautiful gal sitting next to me.. oh dear, she is looking at my phone, she wants to see it... nah, but yea that is what "they" want you to believe. The Phone industry! I do like my new phone, it is awesome.
So I've been debating having a small mini-concert, that would be cool I think. I was able to play for a few of the people at work and they think it would be cool to have a "concert" which would be kind of cool I think. I also have others who think I should have an expose' of sorts for my black and white photography. Ahhh yes, this new tool I've been developing on my own MIGHT go Global for all of IBM... how cool is that???? You've got to say the is cool! I will call this tool.. the Twistie!!!!!!!! hehe talking about Twisties.. where the heck is my Twistie... lol!!!!!!!!!!
I need to remember to log in to IM at work so people can ping me when I am at work. Well, I have written enough randomness. Time to do somehting, ohhhhh book store!!!!!!!!! :D
Be safe,
LYW
Current music: Turbulent-Motelatem
Saturday, June 6, 2009
I dont know why the hell I am so sad.
Current music: Marcy Playground - Gone Crazy
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I need TDF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for a minute or two :D
Thursday, May 7, 2009
11:44PM
So i ask you.. where is the Doll Face... ???? I hope well.
Did you know that a burnt egg... smells like burnt hair? Ask me how I know! hahaha
be safe. owt.
Current mood:  contemplative
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
After a short-long absence I decided to write again; namely because my home girl (TDF) asked me to write again. So here I am writing... which is cool. Anyway, I've been having odd dreams and I even had an amazing one concerning TDF. How cool is that? TDF is an amazing friend and she is very much cherished (maybe too much in some ways lol) but oh well. I hope I don't make her wonder... 'cause I'm mostly harmless but let me tell you, if TDF showed up at my door.. yea I'd be mostly umm well yea you get the idea.
Anyway, my new place of work is awesome thought I can see it beating me down... like way down! hahaha But nonetheless, I just tell myself I have one year with them and then I can move onto something better. This one year just lets me know if I am stable I guess. I know one thing for sure, I miss TDF and have always enjoyed our late conversations... especially white wine one hahahaha!!!!!
Right now I'm in my home, I just finished playing the piano and that was really excited. I tried something rather new and it was really fun; but I've really been "expressing" emotion as it were through the piano. It is so amazing how the piano can express ANY feeling you are having. It is amazing how so much can be felt, the making of music with your fingers, the making of art with your fingers.
There is this picture of a cherished friend, I just thought of it for some reason... in this picture, she is wearing a blue dress, with a smile, short hair, and is to die for gorgeous... often I wonder where such women are in life. You know, to be a beautiful woman you have to be three things... smart, beautiful, and have an amazing sense of humor... oh and not be so stuck on religion. Don't you know, most religion just makes you judge people???!!! mmmm the lady in blue....
So YES the piano rocks, I've been having creepy dreams.. check this out, last night I "dreams" somehow I destroyed the "meaning of sleep" haha and I couldn't sleep because it was out of sync, pretty amazing how the brain works and can freak itself out. I remember, walking around barely awake and than me saying "DAMN, stairs!!!" and I "woke" up and was like... man I could have walked off the steps and took a "roll." I slapped myself a few times in the face, SLAP SLAP SLAP; after which I took a cold shower. I think I had no water in my system; which caused me to freak out.
OH so check this out. today I had blood work done.. I'm down like 19 points ((125/80) on my blood pressure! perfect on my pulse, and just as awesome as I could be. Also, my blood flows at 9, the highest for blood circulation. Apparently, my circulation kicks ass!!!! :D So I'm really excited, plus my spot in my vision has been coming and going which is better than just coming.. which could get pretty messy (EWWWWWWWWWWW) hahaha. So yea; I guess that means more blood press...... umm nevermind.
Well, my wonderful peeps (namely emms and DOLL FACE!!!) thanks for your time. TDF.. I do miss you a lot and I enjoy our conversations... thanks for everything AND I'm sending a present in the mail!!! I hope you like it (don't worry it is ALL harmless). Laters.
Lindis.
Friday, February 20, 2009
3:12PM
Yesterday was an eventful day; it is one of those days when the entire of life changes. The essence of human life as it were begins to break down; I found it difficult to talk about this to anyone. With hesitation, I first spoke to Laura about it. I had chosen her for numerous reasons, though I would prefer to not list them they are all innocent. She like most did not know what to say, I can't blame her. This is a hard pill to swallow, but be assured, I have swallowed it many times. I will truly miss her, she is a most beautiful and perfect girl.
As the days turn into weeks, the weeks into months, and maybe, the months into years, I will start to loose the small things that make me who I am. Eventually, I will expire, this is something I have always known. As may be known, I have left my job; a rather prestigious job which I loved to do.
Last night, I got to speak to Marni. I am amazed at the woman that she is and that she will become in the coming months and years. Without her unconditional support ... so many things might feel overly daunting. I appreciate her for her beautiful and amazing heart... and of course, her tolerance of me; the eleven. Without her... how might I ever make it through some days. But as the status of each of our lives change, I know that... well I don't know if... growing a part is a good way to put it. She has always been in a role that she seemed most perfect for... thanks! xo
I've decided it best if I just drove... and drove... and drove, and saw all the small things that I wanted to see. I suppose, I can send the contents of all my writings to Codie; she could publish it on my behalf. My photography, well the raw images would have to go to Codie and Emily. I often miss "the girls" and wonder how things might have been if I'd made the sacrifices and just left everything behind. Maybe I should go across Canada and end up in Halifax... that would be beautiful.
Ill be back later.
L
Friday, February 6, 2009
Often I wonder how many times at the end of knowing persons before such life changes occur; would I be forgotten? I mean, all in all, I feel as if just some tool to help people through their rough spots, whether it be dealing with some sort of relational issue or the feeling of solace or something else. It is difficult for me to talk with people about stuff they don't understand at the moment. Most times, I prefer to just provide myself to them for whatever need they have. I suppose this in itself is setting one up for failure but the alternative is having people fall into a state of solace or whatever else there is.
But oh well you know; I'd like to just find someone who is not tied up in any sort of dogmatic belief. But I don't really know that I should expect anything more. For the past few years I've always managed to place myself into people in need (not literally... well unless we're talking about Angelica hahaha). Anyway; that is what has been on my mind but you know, that is me. Slightly nuts, but you know I have the people I cherish. I cherish Laura, though she is all kinds of nuts sometimes, there is not much I can do with her. She just sort of does her own thing, says a bunch of things and really never does anything... but I still cherish her.
I have other people I cherish, Melissa.. oh how I cherish my cherished Melissa. I think I need to go to sleep; I wish I could talk with Melissa like the old days. I also wish I could talk with Marni like the old day (I also cherish Marni). I've been talking lately with a different gal; it is odd to talk with her. When I first met her, she was almost 9 months pregnant. Damn, I think I am going to sleep.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
I dont know what to write today. Im just "hulu"ing it; getting some SNL highlights.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
10:05PM
So I wrote Laura a letter a couple days ago which defined two things. These two things I would prefer not to put here so I won't. But each moment I spend with her, I see the something which can drive some people nuts for her. But I think I see something more that most people don't see. What I see in her most people don't is everything beyond her drop dead gorgeous looks. Her cognitive capacity, her stresses, her outlook on different things, her perception on art, her love for the arts, her high Intelligence... and so much more. I wish I could spend the time with her to learn the ins and the outs about her. Though this will be difficult to do, namely because of our entirely different schedules with work/life; I'll always go that extra bit for her... always.
What she shares with me is something most people have not tried to share with me. Maybe she does not realize what this single thing is but it is very important to me. I wrote her the definition to this and prefer to leave it between us. I hope she knows for sure, that I cherish her so much; that I would go the distance for her happiness, and that I'd be golden if she ever took me for all that I wanted to give her.
Well ok check this out, I have a lung infection that WILL NEVER get better. I'm in a desert, there is ONLY dust in the air all the time! I've been coughing like mad but I suppose I'll be fine. I have one more day left out here than it's back to see MUM!!!!! yay for MUMs. Anyway, gosh... I do miss her (Laura that is). You know what I like most, just listening to her... it is amazing.
Oh umm.. so yea this city I am in.. this is a city where Angelica and I once rolled. It was really odd being back out this way; certainly a lot of thinking on my part about the "what has been." I was wondering.. what would it have been like had we not went our different ways. I am certain our relationship was the way it was because we were two people who were just lonely and needed some loving. ... and boy did we do that! I wish she knew how sorry I was for how things turned out between us. I did like her a lot and I wish I would not have burned that relationship up; I did really enjoy her as my friend. She was my best friend than we complicated it with a sprinkle of "fire" and "penetration" haha and yea... boooo!!! As I drove west towards California I thought about that stop we had in the desert, than our next stop in Quartzite; and our trek into California. It always amazed me how I found all the time to spend it with her. Anyway, that is a past time from long long ago and does not define anything with my life now.
I also thought about Chrystal; namely because I drove by her family's ranch west of Phoenix. Oh well.. I miss a lot of things about my life.
Current music: The Killers - This River Is Wild
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Well; this week in my life was really good. As I said, I got to see Laura; and I spent "exclusive" time with her at dinner. I've said this before, but I'll say it again. She is a very beautiful gal; I enjoy her smile, her touch, and above all, her. Anyway, I don't know what else to write about her at the moment, but I'll say, it is really nice to see her again. Strange, how not seeing someone for a little while makes it that much better when you see them. Were suppose to do Sushi and a movie this week, that'll be fun. Im thinking Sushi Robato and United Artists. Anyway, this week was a busy one for me, I worked like a mad man. I am writing "odd" because I have been up for two who days, now that sucks. But I'm going to bed now and I'll wake up in the morning feeling rested. Ummmmm oh yea, I don't have cancer, so that is a good thing. Well night.
L
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Today was beautiful; I got to see Laura.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Your a balanced person, you may be bad at times, and good at others, but your a good balance. You can be on the receiving end or the giving end but no matter what, you always seem to come out balanced. You give good advice and direct people to lead a good balance of life. Your the ying and the yang. Your level-headed and rarely fail in life. You can be in the crowd and not seen, but you have the ability to shine aswell.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
This weekend was cool; I got to see a lot of cool people. I also had breakfast with Ric and his girl. But there were some bad parts this weekend too. Well really only one bad part; I was asked why I could not do something. I didn't want to answer but at the same time I didn't want to be rude. But than someone kept pressing it and it really pissed me off. I don't know why some people think they need to know everything about things. Yes, I can't drink ice cold water... why, nonya? ? None ya damn business... haha That's why. The last damn thing I want is people saying; "oh yea I know this guy, he's got IPF..." etc etc etc; it is not anyone's business. Do they really want to know? Seriously...??? Do they HAVE to know... NO! The last damn thing I want to talk about when with friends is how it is I'm going to end up expiring. The best thing about Ric is he does not do this. Dennis tried to but I told him not to do it; than Saturday came and seriously I was upset by being asked why... why? why? and it was not even that I could just let it go... she just kept asking. It's like.. oh yea I want to remind you that you are going to eventually die, sooner rather than later... by the way don't you want to know??? don't you want to know.. I already damn know,... I already do.. so why do YOU need to know? You don't. Asking questions and knowing everything does not mean you care... haven't you watched house?
Oh than check this out.. I have conflict with Ric's girl, I accept her as his girl and leave it as such.. BUT NO.. check this out. Red Hat thinks it's FUNNY to bring it up with Ric. The only conflict that has ever existed between us is that one. Than she brings it up.. as if that is some sort of laughing matter.. EVEN after she is asked not to. Because I don't want to create conflict.. but no... that was messed up. It seriously was... boooo but oh well, no need to forgive them.. as they are only people like me and allowed to make mistakes. But seriously.. this is all you need to do.. do be cool with me:::
1) Don't ask me about my illness.
2) Don't ask me about my family.
3) Don't remind Ric that there is conflict between me and his girl (we've sort of moved passed it but it is there)
Anyway went on my walk Saturday night, ate a whole bag of espresso beans... AND walked around with no coat. I also did not drive home that night... yay for Steve. Thanks Steve, ... you my dear Son.. ROCK. Anyway.. hoo rah.
L
Monday, December 29, 2008
I should be sleeping... but I don't sleep much anymore. I'm working in VirtualBox.. let me tell you, that is awesome stuff!!!!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
My family tree.
My brothers.
* Reuben
* Simeon
* Levi
* Judah
* Dan
* Naphtali
* Gad
* Asher
* Issachar
* Zebulun
* Joseph
* Benjamin
Saturday, December 27, 2008
You are a credit to capitalism... someone told me that today; I don't know that I like being told that. I felt dirty and evil... so I went to get some Sushi with the "one." We went and had some delicious Sushi and I learned some more Vietnamese. I was thinking tonight about how we are infinitely large as were are infinitely small. Meaning no matter which way we go; everything is either "larger" or "smaller." We determine what large and small is by comparing it to ourselves. The Universe is so large when compared to us; we look up and see it... all around and forever. Than we try to think about the small things, the pieces that make up everything we know... and it is so small when compared to us... we see it all around and forever.
I'll write more later, I'm going to continue working on my project; I started running my new series of calculations supporting my argument for multiple parallel time continuum which could explain so much about why somethings happen. It is my argument, from many different points that these time continuum running in parallel and at the same time. I believe it is possible that multiple times can exist at the same time, each time continuum exists om the logical physical continuum but on a different frequency wave. I've recently pushed multiple data streams on different frequencies through the same piece of copper at the same time. With no data loss whatsoever... well this is hardly the place to write about this. For more info, feel free to look up my blog on blogger. Well, I'm sort of doing nothing but watching a movie right now.
I'm watching a movie which makes me think about things, I guess that is good. Also, the other thing on my mind is that I want to go back to Israel. I don't know why right now, but I think it would be awesome.
(I think the Geek Squad SUCKS!!!!!! They are seriously a bunch of tards)
Below is one of the the IDF's MBT (Merkava)
Current mood:  apathetic
Now that is one hot Canadian!!! :)
Perfect?? ....
I think I want Old Chicago's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today I spent hours talking with one of my best lady friends, Marni Marni... she amazes me. Her boyfriend is a lucky dude to have her, that is for sure. She remembered the meaning of yesterday and it's significance on my life. Yesterday was the day that I lost the single most important man in all my life, my Father. December, the said jolly month for me is the month of death. I lost Jessie on the 6th of December, on the 26th, my Father, and today my brother. I wanted to call mom today but I don't know if I can, a mother to be reminded of the day she lost her son... I could not imagine the pain and grief. I often wonder how my illness makes my mother feel. I have been going on now over two years with IPF. By all accounts I should have long expired but I have not. I feel it is because I continue to fight, continue to try to define the things that I need to define. What are these things? Well certain, one of them is for me to publish the work I have been working on for nearly five years (thanks Codie). Another would be for me to let my mom know that I did everything I could do.
Today Amy wrote me; it was short but nonetheless she let me know that Laura was fine. That is all that matters, that she is fine. Yea, I cherish her more than I have cherished anyone in a long time but you know,that is all it is. The hardest thing about a lot of relationships is just not knowing. I wonder at times if Sabrina is fine (she is, thanks Marni!), if Jennifer is fine (she is, she writes all the time), if Sarah is well (she is, she texts me), if Codie is alright (she is, she's an auntie!!!!), or countless others. I often wonder though about all the people I don't keep up with, like April, Sydney, the Jessicas, the Chads, Eben... things could happen to them and I'd never know except in passing conversations some years later. It broke my heart to know that one of my best friends in grade school and high school had killed himself. It broke my heart because I didn't even get to tell him that I'd always be his bud you know??
I just don't want to loose another friend or someone I cherish and not know. It hurts so much, it does... it breaks you a part because there is nothing you can do to fix it and nothing you can do to change how you feel. You can't even talk about it with anyone who knows, because for them it already happened and for others... it just didn't happen.
My dearest brother, you are missed more and more everyday. I recall the bones thugs and harmony pictures I made with you in it. Or the time we almost got rear ended driving on Tatum Rd in Tucson with Jessica in my read jeep. You were so much more the man than I, a ladies man... you had it all; and it breaks my heart to know that even with it all... life came to a violent end. I have dreams that I am the one who stood on the opposite end of that pistol, that I am the one who looked into that barrel of chaos and darkness. That I was the one who took that bullet in the right eye, that I was the one who died alone on a cold December night. Could it have been avoided? I don't know... but I always say yes. But there is nothing we can do to change it... save it be the existence of modified parallel realities. If not in this life continuum, than maybe in a sister life continuum. I think is why I still have some of the most amazing dreams and why we still talk now; and why we develop new thoughts.
Or, it is the chemical impulses of the brain and the dreams I have of you; are just that... dreams. Well, I laid in bed most of the day, from 5AM to 1PM, lol and I think it is time to get out and do something or maybe not... who knows? I just want to write and play the piano. I want to take pictures, I want to see someone and take pictures, but that is not something that I have anymore, so it seems. I want to add a picture to this but I don't know which one I'd use.
Current music: Kenny Chesney - Dreams
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